Putting Your Kids First Is Killing Your Intimacy

You Didn’t Have Kids to Become Roommates With the Person You Married

The lie sounds noble: “Put the kids first.” Make them the center of your world. Sacrifice everything—including your relationship.

But here’s the brutal truth: When your marriage becomes a background character to your parenting, your intimacy dies—and your kids feel it too.

1. Kids Don’t Need Perfect Parents, They Need Connected Ones

You think prioritizing your kids means neglecting your partner. But love isn’t a trade-off.

When your marriage suffers, your parenting does too. Your children are learning:

How to love
How to be loved
How to treat their future partners

They need to see connection. Affection. Fire. Not two emotionally drained adults just “managing” family life while drifting apart.

2. Being a Good Parent Doesn’t Mean Being a Martyr

You gave them everything—your body, your time, your life. And now? Your partner gets nothing.

You’re not a hero. You’re a shell. And no one wins when you’re emotionally bankrupt—not your kids, not your partner, not you.

3. Children Are Not the Emotional Center of a Marriage

When your kids become the sun, everything else begins to orbit them—even your love life, sex life, and sense of self.

You stop touching. You stop talking (unless it’s about chores or homework). You stop choosing each other.

And that’s how resentment grows—and romance dies.

4. Your Kids Won’t Stay Forever, But Your Partner Could (If You Let Them)

They’ll grow up. They’ll leave. And what will be left?

A roommate across the dinner table. A love that slowly died while you weren’t looking.

Because you put parenting above partnership—and now you’re both exhausted, lonely, and disconnected.

5. Sex Isn’t Optional. It’s Survival.

It’s not a reward. It’s not a side dish. It’s the glue that holds you together when life gets chaotic.

And when you keep saying:

“I’m too tired.”
“We’ll reconnect when the kids are older.”
“This is just a phase.”

No intimacy = no oxygen. No oxygen = a dead relationship.

6. Kids Need Witnesses of Love—Not Just Managers of Routine

They notice everything. They feel everything. They learn what love looks like by watching you.

If what they see is:

Silence
Tension
Affectionless survival

They’ll grow up thinking that’s normal. Is that the love story you want them to model?

7. You’re Not Failing Your Kids by Prioritizing Your Marriage—You’re Saving Them

You want to raise emotionally healthy, securely attached, loving humans?

Then show them what that looks like:

Put your marriage first sometimes.
Leave the kids with a sitter.
Lock the bedroom door.
Take the damn trip.

Because the stronger your connection, the safer and more stable their world becomes.

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You’re not choosing between being a parent and being a lover. You’re choosing whether your love survives at all.

Because if you keep putting your marriage last? One day, it won’t even be on the list.